I don't have a really strong grasp on what family means.
And trust and unconditional love are things that I found only in my relationship with my grandmother. So now as I look through footage of my grandmother and think of how to piece things together, I find myself walking into increasingly uncharted territory. Soft and sharp memories, unending contradictions.
I am trying to challenge myself to be honest, not narcissistic, but to release the shame that has kept my womyn suffering in silence.
I am also trying to observe, and note the inevitability of life and the passage of time and energy from one body to another.
I grew bigger as she grew smaller.
I grew louder as she grew quieter.
I learned more and she remembered less.
Granny, do you you really think I am ready to hold your legacy, to carry our stories in my bones alone?